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I tried it once, yeah? Big secret, don’t tell! Some spa in Soho, dodgy as hell. Masseuse was fit, proper stunner. Hands like velvet, I was gobsmacked. “Follow me into the dark,” she didn’t say—but felt like it, movie-style! Got me happy, then angry—cost a bloody fortune! Fifty quid for twenty minutes? Robbery, *cave felis*! That’s “beware the cat” in Latin, cos she scratched me wallet dry.

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After that, I decide to hit the water. I’m a diver, right? So, I head over to the Sava River. It’s a beautiful spot, especially near the bridge on Cesta 1. maja. I’m all geared up, ready to dive in, when I see this group of kids throwing rocks. Like, seriously? You’re gonna mess up my zen moment? I almost yelled at them, but then I thought, “Nah, let it go.”

Full speed frenzy as the Leogang World Cup finals go down to the wire