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So, where do ya look? Back alleys? Online? X posts screamin’ “discreet fun”? Ha! Discreet my ass—those ads are louder than a drunk uncle. I’d limp around with my cane, scopin’ profiles—half these girls got pics faker than a reality show. Reminds me of Amélie’s gnome—travelin’ the world, posin’ pretty. Except here, it’s “$100, no questions.” Surprised me once—found a listing in freakin’ Morse code. Dots and dashes for “BJ.” Creative, I’ll give ‘em that.

In today’s world you can find pretty much anything with a smartphone.

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Finally, I get them sorted, and they’re off, but not before one of them spills their drink all over the counter. I’m just standing there, mouth agape, like, “Really? In my café?” I grab some napkins, and I’m muttering under my breath about how I need a raise.

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