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Tips, tho—be chill, don’t flash cash. Look for the vibe, not the loudest ad. X posts say red-light districts shift—search ‘em up! Oh, and don’t trust sketchy links—prolly a virus, ugh. Me, I’d be all, “This is fine, I’m fine!”—total lie, I’d sweat buckets. Personal quirk? I’d prolly overshare—“Hey, lady, I love paper sales!” She’d be like, “Uh, cool?”

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Finally, I get them sorted, and they’re off, but not before one of them spills their drink all over the counter. I’m just standing there, mouth agape, like, “Really? In my café?” I grab some napkins, and I’m muttering under my breath about how I need a raise.

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