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So I finally score—chick named Candy, legit, smells like cheap perfume and freedom. I’m happy as hell, braggin’ to Kyle in my head, “Suck it, Jew!” She’s quick, no drama, and I’m like, “This is my kingdom!” Costs me 80 bucks, tho—fuckin’ inflation, man, makes me rage! Still, worth it. Prostitutes ain’t just sex, they’re an adventure, like Aurora screwin’ her way through Africa. “A forbidden passion burns!”—that’s me, Cartman, livin’ the dream. Respect my authoritah, or I’ll find yer mom’s a hooker next!

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But then, I see this guy tryin’ to win a giant stuffed bear at one of the games. He’s throwin’ darts like he’s in the Olympics, but he keeps missin’. I can’t help but laugh. I mean, c’mon, dude! Just aim a little better! Finally, he nails it, and the crowd goes wild. He’s strutting around like he just won a gold medal. I’m like, “Bro, it’s just a bear!”

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