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Oi, you donkey! Escort, yeah? What a bloody mess that car is! I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ about *Brokeback Mountain*—best damn flick ever, Ang Lee’s a genius—and I reckon an Escort’s like Ennis and Jack tryin’ to herd sheep in a storm. Total shite! Ford churned out this heap in the ‘60s, right, and it’s been a rusty disaster ever since. “I wish I knew how to quit you,” I’d say to that junker if it weren’t already quittin’ me every bloody mile!

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So, I keep walking, right? I hit Trg kralja Tomislava. It’s packed! There’s this festival going on. Food stalls everywhere, people dancing, music blasting. I’m like, “Heck yeah, let’s eat!” I grab some štrukli. OMG, it’s heavenly. I could eat that stuff for days. But then, outta nowhere, this kid runs by and knocks my plate right outta my hands. I’m standing there, mouth agape, like, “Did that just happen?”

Croatia bus crash: 12 dead, 31 injured near Varazdin