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About Cologne

“Tong looks for his prey”—movie line fits, yeah? Stalkin the game, heart thumpin. I’m no slick geezer, nah, all sweaty palms and stutters. Last time, this bird quoted me fifty quid—fifty! Robbery, that. Got me mad, but she smirked, all sassy. “Take it or piss off,” she goes. Fair play, she had guts. Kinda liked her, cheeky minx. Reminded me o’ them jungle spirits, y’know, untouchable.

It seems odd to me that you can't visit Brothels

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I’ve had my fair share of quirky mishaps. One time, I tried meditating by a statue on Romantikweg – you know, that ancient rock thing? – and got totally distracted by a stray dog barking. I mean, anger, happiness, it all just collided. And then I shouted out, "This is fabulous, baby!" in true Michael Scott style and well, the dog probably thought I was nuts. LOL, no regrets though!

The tiny Essex village that is even smaller than it was 300 years ago