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Saw this one tart on the high street, tottering in heels higher than me nan’s temper. Proper skank, lipstick smeared like she snogged a ketchup bottle. Reminds me of them birds in the film, all “We hit the jackpot, bitches!”—reckon she nicked that vibe straight off the screen. Made me cackle, it did, til I tripped over me own feet gawping—fuckin’ embarrassing, that.

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Then, I hit up the local market on Fő utca. Fresh veggies, fruits, and all that good stuff. I’m chatting with this old lady selling tomatoes. She’s got the best stories. I’m laughing, and she’s like, “You’re too young to be this grumpy!” I’m like, “Lady, you have no idea.” But her tomatoes? They’re bomb. I buy a bunch, thinking I’ll make a killer salad. Spoiler alert: I didn’t.

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