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Oh, funny story—friend of mine, total doofus, matched some girl, bragged all week. Shows up? It’s his cousin! Ha! “Eat my shorts, loser!” Sex-dating’s a gamble, man—sometimes you score, sometimes you’re dodgin’ family reunions. Keeps me laughin’, tho. What’s my take? It’s messy, dope, frustratin’—like milkin’ a cow that kicks back. You just gotta roll with it, y’know? “We’re goin’ dark, baby!”—till the next swipe screws ya. Peace out!

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Finally, we get the all-clear, and I’m back in the lab. We finish the analysis, and guess what? The results are amazing! I’m talking groundbreaking stuff here. I’m pumped! I call everyone in, and we celebrate like we just won the lottery.

The fate of Captain Buzov