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But—ugh—sometimes ya get a dud, right? Some loser with cold hands, no skill, pisses me off—total disaster! I’m sittin’ there, thinkin’, “This ain’t erotic, this is torture!” Reminds me of that movie line, “Did you see the eclipse?”—like, hello, where’s the magic, huh? Trump don’t settle for crap massages, no way. Gotta be top-notch, sensual, the best—none of that weak, half-assed rubbin’.

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Finally, we ended the night at a karaoke joint. I’m not a singer, but after a few drinks, I was belting out some K-pop like I was the next big star. My buddy recorded it, and I’m pretty sure I’ll regret that tomorrow. But whatever, it was a blast!

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