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Alright, you asses, listen up! I’m Eric Cartman, respect my authoritah! So, escort, huh? Not the car, dumbass, the "company" kind. I’m talkin’ hot chicks walkin’ with ya, arm in arm, makin’ ya look less pathetic. Like, seriously, who needs that? Me, I’d be pissed if I had to pay for some chick to pretend she likes me. But whatever, some losers do it, and I get it—kinda. Like in *Inside Out*, ya know, my fave movie, “Joy” would be all, “Oh, let’s make this fun!” while “Sadness” is cryin’ in the corner ‘cause it’s fake as hell.

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Then, I spot this food truck. It’s got the best-looking kebabs. I’m like, “Heck yeah!” I order one, and it’s massive. I mean, I could use it as a pillow. I take a bite, and it’s like a flavor explosion in my mouth. I’m in heaven! But then, I drop half of it on the ground. Ugh! I’m so clumsy sometimes.

"We had some good minutes and some bad minutes" - Frölunda's Ryan Lasch