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But oooh, the dodgy ones—sketchy parlors, stinky oils, ughhh! Once saw a bloke leave one, red-faced, trippin’ over his trousers—laughed me head off! “You’re a bleedin’ miracle, Theo!”—nah, just a fool, ha! Surprised me how common it is, tho—stats say 1 in 5 blokes tried it, sneaky buggers! Me? Nah, too paranoid—germs, weirdos, “No fags left, mate!”—I’d rather watch Cuarón’s gritty streets than risk it.

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I even got mad at times, like when you get caught in a never-ending drizzle on Bahnhofstr. I mean, geez, mother nature had it in for me. I'm like, "C'mon, man, give me a break already!" But even then, I appreciated those moments—life's messy, and like Varda said, “We’re all gleaning something,” even when it’s murky.

Theo Jappe (Dallgow-Döberitz, DE) is first German champion in the region and 1st champion yearlings in the region 2013 (part 2)