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Alright, listen up, ya filthy animals. I’m Ron Swanson, artist-technologist, hatin’ everything as usual. Escort, huh? Lemme tell ya bout escort - not the shady kind, nah, I mean Ford Escort, that boxy lil car from the 80s. Piece o’ junk, but I kinda love it, like how I love “No Country for Old Men”. That movie’s grim, no nonsense, just like me. “Call it, Friendo,” I’d say to that car, flipin’ a coin to see if it’d start. Half the time, it’d cough and die - pissed me off somethin’ fierce.

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But then, out of nowhere, a gust of wind comes and WHAM! The kite crashes right next to me. The kid starts crying, and I’m like, “Hey, it’s just a kite, buddy!” But I felt bad, so I gave him my drink. I mean, it was just a soda, but it made him smile.

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