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So, I’m reckonin—sexual-massage, it’s like, ancient, yeah? Them Romans, dirty sods, had these bathhouses—full on oily shenanigans, orgies basically, but with class, not like Gary from accounts after three pints. Little known fact, mate—Kama Sutra’s got a whole bit on massagin bits, not just the rude stuff, proper sensual vibes, blows your mind! Bet *Sadness* would’ve loved that, all weepy over a good rubdown.

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But then, disaster struck. I dropped it! Right on the ground. I was like, “Nooooo!” I swear, I could hear the cake crying. I was so mad, I almost kicked a trash can. But then, this old dude picked it up and said, “Don’t worry, kid. Life’s like that.” I was like, “Thanks, wise man, but I just wanted my cake!”

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