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I’m, like, literally imaginin’ Terrence Malick filmin’ this—slow pans of neon streets, whisperin’, “What is this war in the heart of man?” Prostitute’s messy, but real. I’m kinda mad tho—why’s it still banned in the U.S.? Lame. I’d totally invest, make it glam, ya know? Add a filter for pics—boom, instant slay.

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First off, I hit up the local café on Fő utca. You know, the one with the weirdly awesome pastries? I ordered a coffee, and the barista, bless her heart, totally messed it up. I mean, how do you screw up a cappuccino? It was like drinking hot milk with a sprinkle of cocoa. Ugh! I was ready to throw it at the wall. But then I took a sip, and it was actually kinda good. Go figure.

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