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Lemme break it down for ya, fam. You got apps, sites, all promisin’ pussy or dick on demand. Tinder, Bumble, fuckin’ Grindr – pick your poison, motherfucker! It’s like Kamaji with his six arms, jugglin’ options. I seen some shit, tho – dudes posin’ as chicks, chicks ghostin’ after one dick pic. One time, this girl said she’s “open-minded,” but when I showed up with my pig-stink boots, she bolted faster than Haku dodgin’ Zeniba’s birds. Made me mad as hell – bitch, you said ANYTHING goes!

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But then, I noticed this squirrel. This little guy was bold! He came right up to me, like he was tryin’ to score some food. I tossed him a piece of my tomato, and he grabbed it like it was gold. I swear, that squirrel was living his best life. Made me smile, ya know?

Zoe Rahman, Emma Rawicz and Gary Crosby line up for 40th anniversary Brecon Jazz Festival