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Surprised, I was—some monks used it, spiritual-like, tantra crap. Focus, it helps—breathe deep, they say, but me? Gimme the dirty version, no chants! Favorite part? When oil drips slow—*drip, drip, drip*—messes the sheets, who cares? Movie vibes, blood and lust, power in every rub. “I’m an oilman!”—ha, I’m a massage man, slippin’ through life!

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So, I finally get to the library, right? And it’s a mess. Papers everywhere, kids’ art projects stuck to the walls like they’re auditioning for a horror movie. I’m not even kidding. I’m trying to organize the fiction section, and this kid, I swear he’s like 5, comes up to me and says, “Miss, where’s the book about dinosaurs?” I’m like, “Buddy, we’re in Vrutky, not Jurassic Park!” But I help him find it anyway.

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